SleepCrawling.

This morning before 6, house completely dark, Cruz woke up, started crying, forcefully wiggled out of his mothers loving embrace, got out of bed (our bed (which is usually his bed between the hours of 2am-9am), not his pack 'n play obviously) and continued crying and searching around the house for me, while I sat in bed trying to figure out what was going on and calling out to him. He went down the stairs, through the kitchen and into the office which is often where I am especially when he wakes up in the morning. When I wasn't there he started his journey back and stopped in the kitchen, sat and cried until I came and picked him up. Then he put his head on my shoulder and went back to sleep. Since I had him to begin with, was calling his name the whole time and it was dark, I can only guess that he was sleepcrawling. Very interesting.

(And if you are going to make me get out of bed before 7, it had better be interesting.)

*The pics abov are not from today, but I thought it was appropriate to display his pretty sweet bedhead.

The People Have Spoken.

Happy Wednesday.




(It gets gross around 2 min. Meanwhile...Ben chats about basketball.)

Cruz and Me

I didn't know I was incomplete.

I was very happy with the two kids I had and the ages and stages we were experiencing together. I was starting to ponder what my life might look like when my kids were in school and I would have a good portion of the day to do whatever I please - a career, volunteering, lunch with friends...(whatever it is it will involve wearing better clothes that's for sure). I thought that another child might have the effect of diminishing returns. Overwhelmingly this is not the case. I can't get enough of this little creature.

When he was first born (and I use that term loosely - more like when he was first 'removed' - but the requisite birth story I will save for another day) I didn't recognize him. Of course you never know exactly what your baby will look like but after two you have a good idea - not to mention right at first they pretty much just look like a hot mess (literally). I don't know what I expected but at that moment he looked more like himself than like anyone else. As time has gone I recognize him as his father's child (Ben had some suspicion given the some of the dates we were given) who shares a complexion with his sister, dimples with his brother and alas he has my double chin (and strong corrugator muscle).

I want to spend every moment looking at him. Because when I turn away and look back he has grown. This desire precludes me from doing much else but I don't even care (except to get my taxes done because I don't think the IRS would appreciate my excuse).

I love the larval newborn stage and it passes so quickly. I love the floppy head, the scrunched up legs, the fleeting sleep smiles and the occasional breathy chuckle, the frequently crossed eyes trying hard to make sense of the world outside of the womb, the kitten soft hair etc. etc.

With your first child you can't wait until they accomplish the next thing and you encourage and celebrate their growth, but with the last you just savor every second and want to slow down every moment - which probably explains the nurture factor in birth order and the resulting personality traits. I don't yet think of Miles as my middle child but I feel as though both of my boys are my "babies". In sum, for the third time I am absolutely and completely in love.

I am still just getting the hang of being the mother of an infant again. I keep forgetting that I need a diaper bag, although the dozen or so dirty/wet diapers a day should be a good reminder. The constant need for nutrition provided by me is also a drain, however, it gives me a good excuse to do nothing other than stare at and savor my baby boy. Some of my favorite times are those moments in the middle of the night when no one but the two of us are awake (ask me in a few months if these are still some of my favorite moments as the mommy high wears off and fatigue sets in).

As for my recovery from abdominal surgery - it is going well enough. I was able to quit the meds a week out but even now two and a half weeks out there is still pain. I am finally able to laugh and cough without wincing, sneezing is still an unwelcome experience. A couple things I was really looking forward to post-partum was being able to bend over and pick things up with ease (either I am way more clumsy or I just never noticed how often I dropped stuff before) and get back to work in the yard and also to sleep on my stomach. I was sad when I realized it would be a while before those things were possible. One thing I didn't realize is how much core strength cooking took. In particular - trying to open a jar or crush a clove of garlic with the broad side of a knife.

The good news is that I am not bitter about having had to have a c-section and the scar is not as bad as I imagined. (The other good news is that we all fit in our Passat so we don't have to get a bigger car, but our days of riding together in the truck are sadly over.) Our family of five feels complete (again) with the arrival of Cruz and I'm so glad he is here.

Cruz and Miles

Miles has really stepped up to the plate as far as being a big brother. Not so much in how he helps with the baby - he asks to hold him and then 10 seconds later says something like "help! the baby is making me hot" or "someone get him he is going to fro up".

I had Miles "watch" him while I took a quick shower - Cruz was asleep on the bed next to Miles and Miles was watching a cartoon. When I got out the baby hadn't even stirred but Miles asked if I was done and said good, cause he was tired of watching him. So anyway, back to how he is being helpful. He doesn't ask me to hold him or carry him when we are out and about, he goes to the bathroom by himself (this was a major source of contention prior to the baby because Miles would whine that he needed help going pee when he can reach the bowl on his own) and he goes to sleep in his own bed (although we sometimes get a surprise early morning visit - which I've never minded. I'm sure it helps that Miles is almost 3 1/2 so he doesn't feel threatened by this needy newcomer. And it hasn't even been two weeks so jealousy could be in our future, but so far so good (I'm sure having dad and grandma around and extra play time with friends hasn't hurt the situation either).

He's still trying to come up with names for Cruz. I guess he doesn't know the polls are closed. He makes up lullabyes to sing him that are really sweet. He looks really really pale next to him. And they share a dimpled chin and cheek but so far that's where the physical similarities end.

My favorite thing Miles has said about the baby is that he smells like fruit... I asked him if he thought the baby was eating fruit to which he made chomping noises and said said yep he chomped it with his "pink teeth". Which you can see from the picture below is exactly what he has.

The first day he saw Cruz he said "look dad he showed us his none-teeth" when the baby yawned. He has since learned that those none/pink teeth are called gums - but Miles refers to them as "guns".

Cruz and Avery

Before the baby was born Avery said she wasn't going to change diapers. But she does. She also holds him when I need a hand and the two of them do a fantastic tango (although I might put that one on hold for a bit for fear of shaken baby syndrome when he gets whipped around). She is super calm and naturally maternal. But she's also got her own stuff going on. That's what's great about having a six year old - she'll help when I need her to but she doesn't crowd me when I'm nursing like a certain three year old. She even keeps that three year old occupied when I need time alone. I wonder if Cruz will like playing Barbies as much as Miles does? He apparently enjoys Barbie books - even at 5 days old.

The flour-sack hold technique I guess.

Cruz and his Dad

I can't speak for Ben but I would say that he likes his new little dude quite a bit. And luckily he got a week of paternity leave (which I didn't even know was an option during residency - but he got lucky) to get to enjoy him...and catch up on his much needed sleep. Often times with both happening simultaneously.

Dad's are really good for taking naps with.

Quick Poll - Help!

I didn't think we'd have to resort to opening up a poll but I can probably leave the hospital tomorrow but we can't come to an agreement on a name. Please place a quick vote either anonymously on the poll and/or feel free to add supporting comments either in favor or against certain names.

*Even if we end up picking one you hate we won't hold it against you for vocalizing dissent. :)

Thanks.



- Avery says we can always call him Jennifer and Miles is calling him Ahkman Ra.

What will he look like?

I don't know but we'll find out soon enough. My toenails are painted, legs are shaved and I'm heading out to have a baby. There's no turning back now.

(and I prepared this post before I was in labor. i'm sure i'm in much too much pain right now to be blogging.)

Here is the profile pic from Baby #3's ultrasound in October.

Miles:

Day One

Two Months

Avery:

Day One

Two Months

Me



I don't have one of Ben.


*Both kids two months photos by Aunt Sara.

More names.

Our list should be getting shorter but it's not. It's getting longer. And more ridiculous.
Again, I won't mention who likes which names but you can probably determine who likes what just based on their appropriateness for our racial makeup (although in his defense Ben does have a Portuguese side - De Veirera) or just general appropriateness:

Dale
Blake
Carlos
Hawk
Ian
Javier (pretty sure this is on the other list but someone wanted it again)
Kanoa
Neil
Quentin
Rocco
Roscoe
Theophilus
Walker
Lance
Diego
Shlomo
Shelomi (which we would pronounce to rhyme with Salami)

If this baby knows what is good for him he'll arrive before we have a chance to have the name conversation again.


Notes from the previous list:
* Jaquiz is actually supposed to be spelled Jacquizz. Which of course is much better.
** Lysurgus is a family name suggested by Ben's dad - who is apparently as gifted in the baby naming dept. as his son. Paolo is also a family name. So is Reed.
*** And Tarah - Ben's mom also suggested Jerome, but we never thought of the Jr. thing. Since Jerome does come up as an alias on our credit report why not!

Other baby-naming notes:
- Aunt Brittany suggested Diego. Apparently she's on Ben's side.
- My mom has suggested Kip and Coe. Cute. And African.
- One time I found a handwritten piece of paper - the back of a floral arrangement card actually (from his dad and three older brothers in celebration of Ben's birth) - that had Ben's mom's list of potential names for Ben...I mean Benjamin (he was never supposed to be just Ben). The names included Beau, Spencer, Quinn, Boyd...and some others I can't remember right now. I wish I could find that paper.
- I could have been a Danielle or Piper.

Gavin Rayne

Tarah recently reminded me of names I liked in high school - and not that I was aspiring to be a young mother but had I had a baby boy in 1995 or 1996 his name probably would have been Gavin Rayne (and Glycerine would have been the soundtrack to his birth). Anyhow, we are no closer to having a name for our baby then were a few weeks ago but here is our list that grows more ridiculous by the second (there are a couple on here that are jokes, but some that you might think are jokes are serious contributions from the baby's daddy). I just want to wait and see what the guy looks like and then decide, it worked for Avery (who would have been Reese if I would have been able to convince Ben to come to terms with a name before she was born).

*The girl names are just in case.






And Avery's "List uv nams" :

(Her first choice to name the baby is Tom - and variations of, such as - Tomy, Tomy Tom & Tomy Tom Tom. If Ben could choose from her list he would for sure pick Exzavion and Tyvel. I like Tiny.)

More end-of-pregnancy nonsense.

Because I'm sure everyone wants a play-by-play of my last days as a sacred vessel...

I can't think of any other life event that is so momentous yet completely unpredictable. It may be the only thing that Google can't tell me (I checked). I am definitely more of a head case about it this third time around. I have been having contractions off and on for over a week now - I put a friend on high alert, insisting she keep her phone by her at night at least a week and a half ago. I am seriously surprised (a strange mixture of relief and disappointment) when I wake up and it's a new day (not that I sleep all that soundly). With my other two I never even thought about it until I was within a day or so of my due date. But with my other two I never had any inkling from my body that something was going to happen until something imminent was about to occur.

Two weeks ago I had the free time and was ready for the big arrival. This week I spent walking gingerly and taking it easy so I wouldn't do anything to encourage it*. So I got to go to lunch with a friend I haven't seen in about 8 months, got to attend the parent-teacher conference, got to take Avery to the ballet and got through the date my doctor asked me not to go into labor because she only sees her husband once a month (that was yesterday and happily coincided with a most beautiful first day of spring). Although, the other thing I worry about is Ben. He falls asleep reading to his kids, watching TV and while we are discussing names. Sometimes he can catch up on a little sleep during the weekend, but this weekend he his on call. The last thing I want to do is have no-sleep johnny have to endure an all-nighter with me, for his sake. (I have considered not telling him if he is at work though and then just paging him when the whole thing is over, but I'm a little crazy like that though. He is 100% welcome to wait in the lobby handing out cigars if he wants.)

So now my schedule has drastically opened up. Which just gives me more time to think about it. And unfortunately when the 500 lb elephant in the room (or is it 800 lb gorilla?) is you, it's hard to avoid thinking about it. My due date is not until Wednesday, so I don't know why I feel like I am entitled to an early birth. My mom recently told me that she was a few days overdue with me and nearly two weeks with one of my sisters! And it's not like the baby stops growing in the meantime. I always imagine a baby growing in the womb like a ship being constructed in a bottle, only the baby has to come out in one piece.

So I am about to shift gears from delaying labor to trying every trick in the book. With Miles, a jump on a trampoline and one bite of whatever spicy curry Ben made for dinner the night before his due date was enough to do it**. I've got an accupressure guide up for Ben to read and help me with pain management while we're still at home and it has a few pressure points that can supposedly speed things along but I'll wait until my due date comes and goes to try those. I won't try castor oil - too many horror stories. I'm pretty content to have everything happen how and when it's supposed to - I just wish I knew when it was going to be. My March baby could technically end up coming in April. I just want to know!

---
* If you are a fan of The Office - I didn't go so far as to wearing a shirt with a certain area cut out a la Merideth.


**With Avery I was induced the day before her due date while attending a routine appt. they discovered I had zero amniotic fluid - which turned out not to be the case - and they treated me with magnesium for pre-eclampsia which I also didn't have (swelling yes, high blood-pressure yes - but the protein test was negative) and they told me when it was time to start pushing because they thought I had an epidural and couldn't feel when it also might be time - which resulted in a a marathon pushing session and lots of burst blood vessels in my face/eyes and a very rude doc I felt was threatening me to get her out. Our house also had been broken into the night before (while we were home) and we had spent the entire night awake with Officer Schminky (which would become one of Avery's nicknames and actually what we called her while we settled on a name) and his burglar sniffing dog. I had not showered, eaten or packed a bag when I arrived for my appt. Eating would have been a really good idea. When they said I had to go have a baby now (mostly under whispered breath amongst the hospital staff - I still think it was just a convenient time for them) I called and then hid in the bathroom and cried until he made it over. First year medical students don't know a whole lot about the labor and delivery process so I think he felt a little helpless too. My doctor that I had been seeing couldn't make it over and he expressed disappointment in the way things had gone down for me...which just fuels my conspiracy theory.

Being Prepared (for Baby).

There's nothing like the smell of burning microfleece in the morning. Actually it was in the evening, but my belly has gotten so large that I can't even cook without the risk of setting fire to myself. At least not on the front burners anyway. I really liked that jacket too.

I've been having contractions about 24 hours apart for the last week. Sometimes more frequently. And while they say Braxton-Hicks don't hurt, they kinda do. I didn't experience them with my other two but they catch you off guard and you kinda can't breathe and I can't tell if they actually are painful or if I am just anticipating what I know for sure to be dreadful and unavoidable.

I hate not knowing exactly when the baby is going to arrive, or exactly how it will go. I spent last week bored out of my mind because I didn't want to schedule anything or do anything in case I went into labor. This week it's the opposite and I would really appreciate it if this guy could wait until next Monday at least to make his appearance because I have lunch plans, parent-teacher conference, taxes to finish filing, seeds to plant, swimming/gymnastics lessons and a ballet to attend (with non-refundable tickets). Then the weather this weekend is supposed to be nice and Ben's on call - although he'd probably be glad to get out of that - but probably even gladder to get out of work on Monday, when it's supposed to rain and be blah. So next week is actually better for me.

So I guess it's time to own up to the fact that I will soon be a mother of three, as I am about to hit the 2 weeks and counting mark (which could also be the any day now mark, even though my other two came with 24 hours of their due date). It would also be the same point at which not even a special parking spot at the commissary is enough of a perk to make the sacrifice seem worthwhile. But being that it will all be over soon and that it may very well (99% sure) be my last time to experience this delicate condition, here are my observations/questions/comments on the experience this time around:

- Keeping it a secret until you are half way through doesn't make it go by any faster. I was deluded to think that since Ben and I didn't discover our joyous surprise until I was just about 10 weeks into it and we didn't make a formal announcement until we found out what we were having that somehow the whole thing would just whiz by. But here we are, tick tock. Or make that tick......tock.......

- Since my first pregnancy I have always made an effort to never waddle. If I catch myself starting to I try to pick up the pace and tell myself to shape up and walk like a normal person. This time I feel like I just skipped the waddle and went straight to a full on hobble. And I haven't the mental strength to combat it.

- On a positive note I am probably going to come in about 15 lbs lighter than I did with the other two. I'm currently in the light heavyweight division (in men's boxing mind you) but if I can stay out of the 190's then I consider it a success. I don't know what I did differently this time that had such an impact. With Avery it was an unabashed food fest for 9 months coupled with occasional exercise and more occasional lounging (= final weigh-in of 198 and time to return to fighting weight of 140 = two years). Determined not to do that again with Miles I made much better food choices and worked out religiously the entire pregnancy. Final weigh-in: 197! (In addition to coming in a whole lb lighter, I also managed to leave the hospital having only lost 6 lbs even after having a baby 7 lbs +). So this time I figured my body was going to do whatever it wanted and I didn't think much about it. This baby has seemed to sit on my stomach most of the time so maybe it's like having lap-band surgery and I don't eat as much before feeling full. Plus even though I am inclined to roll my eyes when people account for losing weight because they are chasing after young children (usually it is a celebrity who has a nanny who says this) Miles doesn't allow for much lounging to go on so perhaps this is a factor.

- So on the subject of pre-natal exercise, I was gung-ho to do something the entire nine months. With Miles budakon was the workout I enjoyed the most (with Avery it was a almost daily walk to get french fries at Blimpies. I thought yoga was going to be the discipline for me this time but when childs pose stopped being a relaxing position at around 5 months along, I stopped going and my yoga mat has been rolled up in the back of my car ever since. When the doctor with no childbearing experience of her own asks me if I am exercising, I consider in my head the number of times I go up and down the stairs and how my heart rate gets elevated each time, and I answer yes.

- My palate has changed, although not substantially, yet enough to not find as much pleasure in meals I may have otherwise (despite all of my recent food adventures). Give me a bowl of plain, bland cereal, milk and bananas any time of day and I'm happy. Or a baked potato. Simple carbs. Or citrus. Or chocolate (with a side of heartburn).

- My hair is fuller, which is nice, unfortunately my face is too so it kind of cancels out the benefits. What a double chin has to do with a growing fetus, I'm not sure.

- So although the growing face doesn't require a new wardrobe, the expanding waistline, etc. does, and my new wardrobe this time around included two pairs of black stretchy pants - one in cotton/spandex and one in a polyester blend from REI. I think I have alternated wearing them exclusively for the last four months (and they will probably stay in rotation for the next four). Around Thanksgiving time I was still trying to squeeze into my normal clothes which I realized directly correlated with my being irritable so I got out the maternity box and was instantly much happier (Ben probably would like to know what my problem is now - chances are it's also related to being uncomfortable although there is no percentage of spandex that can cure this discomfort). So even though I got out my maternity clothes I found that there wasn't much there that I really enjoyed wearing, especially the full paneled denim, so I will be happy to get rid of those items ASAP - one less plastic bin in the storage shed - yea!

- Something I do enjoy and will miss is feeling the baby move. And I won't be surprised if this one comes out with 8 arms and legs. I've never felt limbs in such disparate locations as I have this time. Avery and Miles sat the same way and essentially the pregnancies were identical. This one is on the opposite side and stretches out at any given opportunity.

- Nesting. Unless this involves surrounding yourself with down filled pillows to try to get comfortable I'm not sure I am, at least if I am it doesn't feel any different than the norm. Since we move so frequently I feel like we are always getting our nest in order. And with the weather warming up it just feels like spring cleaning to me. Mostly I want to be outside weeding and getting the garden boxes ready. And since that has nothing to do with welcoming baby I'd say it's more a function of having some sunshine than anything. About once a week I do get a thorough house cleaning accomplished and each time I think that this is the last time I will have to wash sheets/scrub floors/organize the kids room, etc etc. before the baby arrives and then the next day things are already in disarray. The same with trips to the grocery store. I keep stocking up but then find myself right back in the checkout line a week later. I did just get the infant car seat out of storage yesterday and will be washing 0-3 month clothes here soon so maybe I am in the process. We are really going to be having a baby - yikes!

With most of this amazing (it is amazing, even if is is uncomfortable at times) experience behind me I only have the final event ahead of me and I have to admit that I am pretty freaked out. Usually after having done something a couple times you feel more at ease with the process. I'd say labor has to be an exception. The first time you have no idea what to expect so you have that going for you. The second time you might imagine that it's going to be quicker and easier than the first time but you might find out that even if the baby is over a pound smaller it can still be a long and even more painful process. So now I am wising up to the fact that this time may be no easier. And I don't remember what to do with a newborn but figure I can't be any less prepared than the first time so we'll be alright.

But we do need a name...