Advice to be taken with a grain of sugar

Due to Miles' smallish stature, I was recently referred to nutrition counseling at the hospital. First of all, there is no cause for alarm because he is trucking steadily along the 5th percentile curve. Furthermore, if plotted on a growth chart for any third world another country, like say China, he is well above the 50th percentile, so he's not destined for horse jockeydom just yet.

So I admit that at first I was a bit peeved that I, with my dedication to all things nutritious, would be sent to counseling, especially by a doctor who had just graduated with Ben and is going into radiology, not pediatrics or family medicine. Which also means that he should know that Miles' dad might be capable to recognize any nutritional shortcomings in the home. Anyhow, I considered the fact that I just might learn something, so I swallowed my pride made the trip.

Let me preface the experience by saying, that I really liked the Registered Dietician that I met with. She was very pleasant and had a great collection of stickers for the kids. Her advice... well, not only was it not extremely informative, it was downright appalling. So the purpose was to disuss ways to increase his caloric intake. So she gave me a handout entitled SUPERCHARGE RECIPES FOR WEIGHT GAIN with some of the following advice:

Special Tips For The Little Ones -

- Use ketchup, mustard, ranch dressing and BBQ sauce on everything.
- Sprinkle Carnation Instant Breakfast powder on ice cream, cereal, cake and muffins and tell him it is special sugar.
- Ice Cream and a story before bedtime
- A pint of Ben & Jerry's or Hagen Daaz ice cream 1,300-1,500 calories per container.
- Put peanut butter on everything. (wait, I thought we were supposed to put ketchup on everything!)

High Calorie PB&J Sandwich -

-Take two slices of bread of your choice and toast them
-Spread margarine (gag) on one slice and spread a generous amount of PB on top of that
-Slice half a banana and place slices on top of PB
-On the other slice, spread MARSHMALLOW CREME and top with jam or jelly of your choice!
-Put the two slices together and there you have your sandwich.

7-Layer Bars -

-1 c. butter (2 sticks)
-11 oz. bag of mini-m&m's (1 bag)
-16 oz. butterscotch chips (1 1/2 bags)
-7 oz. coconut
- 4 c. graham crackers
- 6 oz. pecans
- 2 14 oz. cans sweetened condensed milk

Preheat oven yada yada...

Oreo Milkshake -

-8 oz. whole milk
-One packet of vanilla Instant Breakfast
- 1/2 c. high fat cookies & cream ice cream
- 5 Double Stuf Oreos
-Mix in Blender. Serve in frozen beer mug w/straw. Cookies are a nice addition.

Okay, so once my child wakes up from his sugar-coma... Hey but at least he'll gain 20 lbs in a week! Is this a conspiracy from the makers of the lap-band, Avandia or insulin? Am I being punked?!!

She did admit that these recipes were more on the desserty side, and suggested for regular meals that I add additional oils to his foods. When I mentioned that I occasionally add flax-seed oil to dishes I make for the kids she thought for a minute and then said, "well, i guess that that is just as good as any other kind of oil" Just as good?! Whatever. She didn't even look at the 3-day food journal they insisted I bring with me to the appt.

So, the above is just a sampling of the five pages she gave me (I have three more milkshake recipes if anyone is interested). It is scary to me that they hand this out to parents. Does this scare anyone else, or are you just thinking, that sounds delicious...